Excerpt:
“Kim, stop.” Beck sighed, an exhausted sound. “Please.”
It was the please that did it. He was so rarely
polite to her. She took a deep breath and turned to him. They needed to ratchet
down the emotion. It was what always tripped them up. “I don’t think we can
work together.”
“We certainly
can’t if I continue to be a massive asshole.” He moved toward her, putting his
hands on her shoulders. “I’m sorry. You’re still a touchy subject for me.”
She nodded,
unable to say a word for fear of unleashing a tidal wave. Not seconds before
she’d told herself to tamp down the emotion, but here it was, threatening to
overwhelm her and all he’d had to do was touch her.
“How about we
agree that Levi Green is a problem for both of us and we work together to solve
it,” he offered. “Kim, we’ve been going in circles for years. Maybe it’s time
we find a way to move on. I know I’m tired of hating you.”
She stepped
back. She couldn’t have his hands on her when he used that word. It was wrong
when all she’d ever done was love him. “Ariel pointed out that it would be
easier on both of us if I stopped showing up in your life.”
His gaze
softened. “Would it? I didn’t see you for a couple of years and it didn’t feel
any easier.”
She let a
moment pass. How was it she felt even more vulnerable than she had when she was
with Levi? “I know. I’ve tried to move on. I don’t seem to be able to.”
His hands moved
as if he wanted to touch her, but he seemed to rethink the idea. “So maybe we
should go about this another way. Maybe we should take this time and do what we
didn’t do before. Talk. Try to find a way to get through this. I’m sorry I said
what I did about you and Levi. It still hurts and I’m lashing out. All I know
is when I thought you were in danger, I knew I couldn’t sit on my hands and let
it happen. I can’t do it now either. Let me come with you. Let me help fix
this.”
No. It was the
only word she should say to him, and then she should turn and walk out and
never look back. If she let him in, he would hurt her no matter how good his
intentions were. Beck had always had a well of rage inside him that he wouldn’t
deal with, wouldn’t acknowledge even existed. He hadn’t changed.
“Okay.” She
hadn’t changed either. She was still helpless when it came to this man. She was
still in love with him and likely always would be.
He let go of a
heavy breath. “Good.” He was silent for a moment, looking her over. “Did he
hurt you? Are your wrists okay?”
She’d managed
to get what was left of the zip ties off in the car. She had some red marks on
her wrists. “They’re sore, but all right. He didn’t slap me around this time.”
She watched as
Beck’s hands formed fists and wished she hadn’t said that. His rage was always
simmering under the surface when she was around.
He seemed to
let it go. “All right. We should get on the road. Can you grab some water and
protein bars? I don’t know what we’ll find when we get to Paris.”
She kind of
thought she did know. She’d done a lot of homework on Big Tag, and if Rene was
who she thought he was, then Beck would feel right at home.
Still, she
grabbed the water bottles and bars and stuffed them in the duffel Steph had
provided for her. There were a couple of T-shirts and a pair of sweatpants that
would likely be too short, but beggars couldn’t be choosers.
This was all
she had in the world. It was odd. She would have said possessions were
meaningless, but now that she had no access to any of the things that brought
her comfort, she missed them with all her heart.
She had one
thing. She reached up and found some peace knowing her ring was still there.
All these years and she still had her wedding ring. It hung low around her
neck, and she always hid it under her shirt when Beck was around.
It was all she
had left of her marriage.
“You ready?”
Beck fitted a cap to his head and passed her another. “You might want to put
your hair up. I know if I was looking for you, all that hair would be the first
thing to catch my eye.”
How many nights
had he tangled his fingers in her hair and gently tugged, had he told her how
beautiful it was and that he never wanted her to cut it? “Yeah. I’m ready.”
He stepped in
front of her and placed the cap on her head, his gorgeous eyes staring down at
her. “I really am sorry I said what I did. Can you forgive me?”
Her whole soul
threatened to melt. She nodded.
“Can I hug you?
I want to. I want to reassure myself that you’re really okay.”
She nodded
again and then she was in his arms for the first time in years.
“Promise me he
didn’t get a chance to hurt you,” Beck whispered.
He sounded like
he actually cared. His arms around her made her feel safer than she had in
forever. “He threatened me with a bunch of stuff, but I don’t want to talk
about it. I will, but not now.”
“Okay.”
They stood
there for the longest time, the sound of his heartbeat the only thing she could
hear.
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